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Becoming Closer to Your Partner
This past week I took on a relationship challenge from John and Julie Gottman. The challenge was to notice my partner’s bids for connection. A bid for connection is when your partner attempts to engage with you in overt or subtle ways. It could be randomly bringing up the weather or commenting on how nice the trees look. Or simply touching your hand.
After a few days of noticing and responding to my partner’s bids for connection, I felt myself becoming closer to her. She even commented on how she appreciates my increased level of engagement. Responding to her bids for connection has made me more curious about how she feels, and what’s going on in her world.
I tend to live in my head and have tunnel vision on what’s in front of me, or what’s on my to-do-list. This can make it difficult for me to stay connected to the needs of others. It causes me to miss what could be a bid to connect. Spending too much time in my own world is something I’ve struggled with, to some degree, since I was a teenager. The challenge from the Gottman’s is one that I feel will help me improve in this area.
If my story resonates with you, then I encourage you to check out the interview the Gottmans did with Brené Brown. They talk about their take on relationships and the bids for connection. They issue the challenge at the end of the interview.
