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Why Constantly Seeking External Validation is Problematic
Seeking external validation is something I’m sure a lot of us struggle with. It feels good to receive compliments for the work we do. We want to make sure that we’re doing a good job and exceeding the expectations of others. Where I struggle though, is understanding to what end.
I feel like there is always a sense of more. The more you achieve the more you want. And what’s the result, just more pie. More pie is just a substitute for more love, more money, more of anything that we feel like we don’t have enough of. It’s a never-ending game.
As I navigate working from home and not having the proverbial water cooler conversation with colleagues, it’s hard to not feel like I’m not doing enough. I feel like if people can’t see me working, they might feel like I’m not doing enough.
In my role, I am responsible for maintaining the office building my employer relocated to back in July. Even though we’re all working from home there are a number of items to keep up with as an owner and operator of a building.
A few weeks ago I felt like I was being put on trial to explain why I was falling behind on my responsibilities related to the building. The questions I was getting seemed unreasonable as I’ve been spending most of my days fulfilling my human resources responsibilities of recruiting for the numerous positions we have open. Anyone who has managed to recruit understands that it can be quite time-consuming, especially when you’re recruiting for multiple roles.
In my mind, I wasn’t slacking one bit, I actually was producing more work and at a higher level than what I’ve done in the past. So in response to the questions, I felt like I was defending myself and explaining how I was using my time. The conversation suddenly transitioned from what felt like an accusatory one to a supportive one. The conversation ended with a “hang in there.”
After the conversation, I reminded myself of how important it is to live up to my own expectations. If I know that I am working hard and giving a good effort, on some level that has to be enough. There is only so much time in a day.
If we’re working hard enough, and truly going for it each day, then other’s people’s opinions or at least the story we tell ourselves about their opinions don’t matter as much.
